


egotistical jerks with daddy issues

by achilleees



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-21 04:05:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achilleees/pseuds/achilleees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of standalone Raleigh/Chuck AU ficlets that may turn into longer, full stories if I feel inspired. Because you can never have too much Raleigh/Chuck in your life, amirite?</p><p>First batch: NHL AU, Raleigh/Yancy/girl!Chuck assassins AU, shapeshifter AU, Vietnam War AU, selkie AU.<br/>Second batch: Farmer AU, rock-star AU, NFL girl!Chuck AU, hooker AU, professor/student AU.<br/>Third batch: post-canon farming fic (with babies!), touch-telepath AU, boarding school AU, Raleigh is Chuck's legal guardian AU.<br/>Last batch: starving artist AU, Chuck is a single father AU, drug dealer AU, NFL AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Batch

**Author's Note:**

> I was kind of stuck for ideas, so I turned to my old standby - iTunes Shuffle. Thus, these are (in the loosest way possible) inspired by songs, but if you don't know the song, it will have absolutely no effect on your understanding of the fic.
> 
> This may be something of an overload so I recommend skipping through to the ones that sound the most interesting to you.
> 
> I also accept requests! Always looking for new ideas, although there's no guarantee I'll be inspired by it.

**“There Goes My Baby,” Usher**  – NHL AU

Chuck had the prettiest fucking bruises. His split lip was a goddamn masterpiece. The red, raw scrapes up his jaw line were pure poetry.

Raleigh felt kind of gross thinking it, though. He sat and watched Chuck give the post-game interview, glowing with elation, and tried not to get hard thinking about those broken lips spread around his cock. It didn’t work.

“Just another minute, Raleigh,” said the pretty Japanese reporter - Mako something, he thought. “I’m sorry to make you sit for so long in your goalie pads, it must be uncomfortable.”

Raleigh used the towel around his neck to mop up some of the sweat on his forehead. “It’s fine, I need a minute to rest anyway. That was a fucking stressful 60 minutes.”

“I can imagine,” Mako said. She cocked her head at him and smiled.

“What?” he asked, self-conscious.

“Nothing,” Mako said, still smiling. “I’ve just never seen you look this happy before.”

He blushed and ducked his head. “I’ve never won the Stanley Cup before,” he offered.

“Not to mention the Conn Smythe,” she reminded him.

“Right.” He nodded.

When he looked up, he saw Chuck watching him. Their eyes met and Chuck smiled before having his attention jerked back to the interview by a reporter.

He had never won the Stanley Cup before, it was true, and that was at least half of Raleigh’s euphoria. But the other half was sitting ten feet away in sweaty pads with bruises all over his face. Because Chuck was Raleigh’s, and that changed his entire world.

That was  _Raleigh’s_. All of that spirit, that grace, that talent and power and passion. Men and women across the country could look at Chuck and want him for so many reasons, but Raleigh was the one who had him.

And his  _body_. Jesus. Washboard abs and dick-sucking lips weren’t even half of it.

Raleigh tilted back his head and closed his eyes, feeling pretty fucking good about his life.

He was broken from his reverie as a body settled next to his on the bench, and he opened his eyes and found Chuck grinning at him. “They’ll get to you in like five minutes, they need to do some technical camera-like things,” he said.

“I don’t mind waiting,” Raleigh said, nudging Chuck’s shoulder with his. “What are you staring at?”

“I was just thinking,” Chuck said in an undertone, leaning in so only Raleigh could hear, “how there are 29 GMs across the continent wishing they had picked you up in free agency.”

Raleigh blushed.

“Twenty-nine teams who would  _kill_  to have you between the pipes for them.” Chuck lowered his voice further. “And about 17 million people who are gonna have dirty dreams about you tonight.”

“Where’d you get that number?” Raleigh asked.

“The crew just told me that’s how many people across Canada and the US watched the game,” Chuck said.

“Nice,” Raleigh grinned. “I was actually just thinking about the same thing.”

Chuck raised his eyebrows.

“Just thinking about how lucky I am to have gotten my head out of my ass and stopped self-sabatoging on the ice, and how it's all due to you.” Raleigh said, hushed. “And how I’ve been waiting for what feels like forever to get you naked in my bed.”

“Later,” Chuck breathed out. “But we’ve got a Stanley Cup victory to celebrate first.”

“Later,” Raleigh promised, and went to do his interview.

 

**“The Sun,” Maroon 5** – girl!Chuck/Raleigh/Yancy assassins AU

Muffled whistling heralded Raleigh’s arrival home, and then the door opened and the melody became clear.

Yancy gripped his coffee mug with both hands.

“Hey sugarplum, what’s for dinner?” Raleigh called from the hallway. “I’m fucking starving.”

“Raleigh,” Yancy tried to say, though it came out as a croak.

Raleigh came into the kitchen. “Wait, what are you doing here? I thought it was Chuck’s turn to cook.”

“Raleigh,” Yancy repeated.

“Not that I don’t love your famous burnt toast and runny eggs combination, but I was kinda hoping for edible food tonight,” Raleigh said, wearing a wicked smirk.

“She’s gone,” Yancy said.

Raleigh sat down across the table from Yancy. “What?” he asked, sincerely confused.

“She’s gone.” Yancy gestured around. “She left.”

“Gone where?”

Yancy shrugged one shoulder. “Pentecost reassigned her because he thought she was getting too emotionally compromised. I don’t know where she is.”

“That’s bullshit.” Raleigh said, storm clouds of anger gathering on his face. “Emotionally  _compromised_? What does that even mean?”

“Apparently she fucked up an important mission to save our lives,” Yancy said, shrugging again. “I don’t know.”

Raleigh spluttered, incredulous. “And he reassigned her for that? You’d think he’d be happy she saved his fucking men’s lives.”

“I think it was political,” Yancy said dully. “It didn’t seem to be Pentecost’s idea, from what he said.”

Raleigh shot to his feet. “Then let’s fucking do something about it. Let’s fight it, let’s get her back.”

“She  _left_ ,” Yancy said edgily, the first sign of emotion in his voice. “She didn’t fight it. Why do you think she wouldn’t let us take pictures with her, or get a pet, or whatever? She always planned on ducking out and she didn’t want to leave any proof she’d been here. That’s how she operates. You know that.”

Raleigh slammed a fist on the table. “So what, we just forget her now?”

“No,” Yancy whispered, unable and unwilling to lie.

“Do you regret being with her?”

“No,” he whispered again.

“Then we get her back, because she’s fucking worthit,” Raleigh snarled. “If you can tell me honestly that you could ever forget a single thing about her, then yeah, let’s let her go. But if you can’t – and I  _know_  you can’t – then let’s get her the fuck back.”

If Yancy hadn’t seen the look on Chuck’s face when she first saw them, how she seemed intrigued and scared and excited, then he would have let her go. He wouldn’t have followed Raleigh on this ridiculous quest.

But…

“Let’s fucking do this,” he said, shoving to his feet and digging around in the cutlery drawer for a gun.

He might have been able to get over her eventually, but that time wasn’t now.

 

**“When You’re Gone,” Avril Lavigne**  – shapeshifter AU

Raleigh is a lying, manipulative, scummy, awful bullshitter, and Chuck’s better off without him.

Gipsy was a pretty good cat, though.

It’s sad and it’s stupid, but Chuck misses him. Like, a lot. Raleigh was just a guy who Chuck thought he could trust, which is bad enough, but Gipsy was… Gipsy slept on Chuck’s bed for six years.

And now they’re both gone.

He’s better off this way and he knows it, because no matter how painful, he’s glad he knows the truth about them, both of them, how Raleigh used what he knew of Chuck from his time as Chuck’s pet to worm into his heart, how Gipsy wasn’t just a one-sided sounding board, but a creature with a human mind who could (and  _did_ ) judge Chuck for all of the secrets he unknowingly confided.

The day after he found out, Chuck purged the house of everyone he could find related in any way to Gipsy: his toys and his cat food and his litter box. But he keeps finding little things he forgot, like the collar that Dad bought for Gipsy that Gipsy vehemently refused to wear, which was left abandoned on top of Chuck’s dresser. When Chuck finds the laser pointer that he used to tease Gipsy with, he drops it like it’s on fire, squeezing his eyes shut as it rolls across the floor.

Still. He misses Gipsy’s weight on his lap when he plays video games, and the insistent pawing at his ankles that came when he forgot to feed Gipsy for too long, too wrapped up in his painting. And he misses how Gipsy always knew when he needed comfort after a long day, knew to hop onto his lap and purr like a lawnmower, warm and pleasant and  _there_. He misses having someone else in the room with him.

And fuck it all, he misses Raleigh.

It’s stupid and sad and he hates himself for it, but if Raleigh… If Raleigh came back…

If Raleigh came back, Chuck wouldn’t be able to turn him away.

 

**“Goodnight Saigon,” Billy Joel** – Vietnam War AU

Sergeant Becket’s a real sonuvabitch, but Chuck can’t help but like him. Might be cuz he was stoned off his gourd the first time Chuck met him, might be cuz he can out-cuss a sailor’s whore. Who knows.

He’s lethal, too. Those muscles ain’t no joke. Sarge is crisscrossed all over with these deadly-looking scars, battle wounds from his many fights. Geiszler once asked him how he got them all, and Sarge shot him this flat look and said, “What do you think I’ve been doing the last three tours? Hosting tea parties?”  So naturally everyone calls Geiszler ‘Miss Muffet’ now.

Chuck’s nickname is Honey, but only Sarge gets to call him that. See, this one time, the guys were teasing Chuck, sayin’ no one as pretty as him should be single on Valentine’s Day, and when was he gonna find a nice boy to go steady with, and Sarge hooked an arm around his neck and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek and said “Fine, fine, I’ll take Honey here to homecoming” and it stuck.

Chuck hates that he loves it, like a lot of things about Sarge. See, it takes a while to get to know Sarge, but man, once you start…

The weeks that Choi got night terrors and kept everyone in the bunk awake, Sarge traded places and let Choi sleep in the hooch while he bunked with the Marines so everyone could get some rest. He’s an enormous bitch in the mornings before he’s had his coffee, and everyone knows to avoid him unless he’s got a tin cup in his hands. And sure he cheats like the devil at cards every fuckin’ time, but he shares his winnings with the guys, passing around the opium-soaked joints until they’re all mellowed out, and no one complains. He plays goalie in their soccer matches and he sucks at it, and that’s why they make him do it.

And yeah, he’s the nastiest SOB when they’re on patrol, but every one of them knows he would lay down his life for theirs in a second, and he’s a mean motherfucker because it’s his goal to get them home safe and he’s gonna do it or die trying, to hell with their whining.

And when Gottlieb gets sent home in a body bag, he stays awake with Geiszler for hours, bent over the hood of one of the Jeeps trying to figure out what the goddamn problem is until Geiszler breaks down crying and Sarge just… He’s a rock. He’s a  _mountain_.

And when Chuck breaks, when he freaks out and starts screaming about  _what the fuck are we doing here, who are we even helping_ , Sarge lets him, lets him punch him right in the mouth, lets him say whatever the fuck he wants, and then he pulls him up and kisses him hard and bloody and tells him the truth.

Tells him he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know why they’re there and what they’re doing, and he doesn’t care. All he cares about is getting his boys home safe. He can’t save the world, and he can’t make sense of this goddamn war, but he can sure as fuck make sure Chuck stays safe and sound, so be good, Honey, and be smart, and I swear I’ll be there, and I swear I’ll protect you, just be  _safe_ , Honey, be safe.

And Chuck…

Chuck wishes he knew Sergeant Becket before the war. But wishes are – stupid and useless and weak, and he can’t afford them, not anymore.

And since he can’t know Sergeant Becket before the war, he’s sure as fuck gonna get to know him after it, and that’s what he thinks every day he puts on his flak jacket and heads out into the glorious Republic of Vietnam.

 

**“All I Ever Wanted (With Queen's Reprise),” Prince of Egypt**  –  [Selkie](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selkie) AU

Chuck is a strange boy, and has been from the day they find him abandoned on their doorstep.

He leaves wet footsteps wherever he goes, even when his feet are dry. His eyes shine, dark and depthless, in any light. He’s stronger than his size suggests, and he is a voracious swimmer, able to slice through rough waters like a knife. And he’s a fighter, always has been. Everyone in the town knows better than to get on his bad side.

Except Raleigh, but that makes sense, because Chuck would never in a million years hurt Raleigh. They were raised together, they play together, they work together, they live together. Yancy hung around until he was old enough to go off on his own, but it’s always been Chuck and Raleigh.

“Don’t leave me,” Raleigh says.

Chuck doesn’t answer.

The downy grey pelt is a pile at his feet, and Chuck’s silhouette is stark against the dying light of the sun. His shoulders shake, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“Please,” Raleigh says. “Don’t leave me.”

“They lied to me,” Chuck says lowly. “Your parents – they said they found me on their doorstep.”

“This is your home,” Raleigh says. “Have you been unhappy here? Yesterday, would you have said you wanted to leave?”

Chuck says nothing.

Yancy was the one to find the hides, stashed in their mother’s dresser with her furs. It was softer than the others, grey instead of tawny brown, and shaped quite differently from the rest. He brought it to Raleigh and Chuck and something had clicked for Chuck, something deeper than his upbringing, deeper than blood.

“You grew up here, you’re meant to be here,” Raleigh says, taking an abortive step forward. He raises one hand in supplication. “Please, please don’t leave me. You’re my brother.”

“More than,” Chuck says quietly.

Raleigh drops his hand. “What?”

“More than brothers.” Chuck turns his head, looking back over his shoulder. “You know it.”

Raleigh falls a step back. “I…”

“Tell me to stay.” Chuck follows him, taking two steps for every one step back until he’s right up in Raleigh’s face. “Tell me  _why_  I should stay.”

Raleigh swallows to wet his dry throat. “You’re my brother and you belong here.”

“That’s not good enough!” Chuck shouts. “You know what I want. It’s all I’ve  _ever_  wanted.”

“I can’t,” Raleigh says helplessly.

“I thought I was happy,” Chuck says as if to himself, pulling away to pace by the water’s shore. “But –“ He kicks off his shoes and wades into the ocean, uncaring that the cuffs of his jeans quickly grow soaked. He drops to his knees, plunging his fingers to the sandy ocean floor and bowing his head. When he breathes in, it seems to shake his whole body.

Raleigh can’t breathe, feeling like his lungs aren’t working right. “Don’t go,  _please_.”

Chuck strips off his shirt, tossing it to the side, quickly followed by his pants and boxers.

Raleigh begins to cry, fat tears that leak into his mouth, tasting of seawater.

Chuck walks back and picks up the abandoned heap of pelts. “I’ll miss you, Raleigh,” he says, his depthless eyes sad.

“I love you,” Raleigh stammers desperately, anything to keep Chuck with him. “You know I do.”

“I know,” Chuck says, smiling. “But that won’t keep me from going.”

Raleigh cries harder, giving deep, heaving sobs. “Swear you’ll come back to me. Don’t stay away forever.”

“I’ll come back,” Chuck promises, patting at his cheek with cold, clumsy fingers. Then he takes a diving leap into the ocean.

There’s furious thrashing right under the waves for a moment, then with a flash of flippers, Chuck is gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second batch: Farmer AU, rock-star AU, NFL girl!Chuck AU, hooker AU, professor/student AU.

**“Good Morning Baltimore,” Hairspray**  – farmer AU. (NOTE: I understand that Chuck is from Australia and not Boston. But as _I_ am from Boston and know literally nothing about Australia, I made this AU where Chuck grew up there because I don't trust my ability to make up shit about Australian culture adequately).

Growing up with a farmer’s lifestyle has fostered Raleigh with the ability to wake up with the sun, no matter what. Having  _not_  grown up with a farmer’s lifestyle, Chuck’s habitual response to this is one of throwing pillows and burrowing under the covers.

In Boston, things are different.

Raleigh wakes up just as the sun’s rays cast thin lines on the carpeted floor, and he tries to be as quiet as possible rolling out of bed as not to wake up Chuck. It’s not until he’s fully dressed and tiptoeing to the bathroom that he realizes Chuck’s not even there.

What the balls?

As if on cue, Chuck enters the room carrying two cups of coffee and a white box tied with red string. “Hey, you,” he says, smiling.

“Uh,” Raleigh says, wary of Chuck being happy before noon. “Hey.”

“I got cannoli and tiramisu, pick your pleasure.” He sets down the box.

“Uh,” says Raleigh again.

Chuck flaps his hand indifferently. “You can have the cannoli, they’re amazing. Stupid tourists always go to Mike’s Pastry because it’s more famous, but Modern Pastry is better.” Raleigh notices with some amusement that Chuck’s Boston accent is slipping back into his speech, heavy on the vowels and soft on the Rs, in a way that he hasn’t heard since last time Chuck came back from a trip up. It’s really, stupidly adorable.

“Awesome,” Raleigh says, smiling back. “So what’s on the agenda today?”

Chuck’s eyes light up. “I promised a friend I’d take her son off her hands for the morning, and she leant me her member pass to the Children’s Museum, so that’s the morning, and then after that I thought we’d get lunch at Santarpio’s which is this amazing pizza place, you’re gonna love it. My friend said he’d be playing at this coffee shop in Harvard, so I promised I’d try to stop by, but we may have to leave early if we expect to get in line for Giacomo’s before it’s too long. After that, drinks at Highland Kitchen or Clio, I have friends bartending both places so it’s either/or. And I think they’re showing ‘Alien’ at this tiny movie theater in Coolidge Corner, if you’re up for it.”

Raleigh blinks.

“Unless… there’s something you wanted to do instead?” Chuck asks uncertainly.

“No, Jesus, that’s all great,” Raleigh laughs. “It’s just… You really love this city, huh?”

Chuck ducks his head, going to the window to look out over the street. “I guess,” he says. It’s not fooling anyone.

“You miss it?” Raleigh asks softly.

“Is it that obvious?” Chuck asks with a bitter smile.

Raleigh comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Chuck’s chest, tugging him close. “You wanna move back up here?”

Chuck doesn’t respond for a while. Then he tips his head back against Raleigh’s shoulder and says, “Does it matter? The farm isn’t going anywhere.”

“Yeah, but the farm’s not open year-round and Yance doesn’t  _really_  need me until May or June.” Raleigh kisses Chuck’s neck. “Maybe we could work out something where I live up here during the year and then go back down from May to August. We could probably handle long-distance if it’s just for the summer, right? Hell, we managed long-distance  _except_  in summer all through college.”

Chuck spins around in his arms. “Are you serious? You wouldn’t mind?”

“I’ve always wanted to live in a city,” Raleigh says with a shrug. “It really wouldn’t be a hardship for me.”

“Then yes, absolutely yes,” Chuck says. His eyes are shining.

“It sounds like you’re accepting my marriage proposal,” Raleigh says, amused.

“If…” Chuck wets his lips. “If you want? If that’s something you… I would say yes. If you asked.”

Raleigh stares at him, mouth agape. “Are you serious?”

“If it’s something you wanted,” Chuck says, blushing.

“When we move up here,” Raleigh promises. “Ok? We move to Boston, we get married. Alright?”

“Absolutely,” Chuck says, smiling.

They show up 20 minutes late to Chuck’s friend’s place because Chuck gets distracted eating cannoli cream off Raleigh’s chest, but she doesn’t mind and neither do they.

They’ve got the whole day ahead of them.

 

 **“The Entertainer,” Billy Joel** – rock star AU

A knock on the door woke Chuck at some ungodly hour of the morning, and he groaned and buried his head in his pillow, head throbbing.

A soft hand trailed up his spine, a scrape of nail. “You need anything, babe?” the chick from last night asked.

“The door,” he said, muffled through the pillow. “Tell whoever it is to go away.”

She stood and walked to the door, throwing it open with no heed to the fact that she was wearing only a pair of panties. “Can you come back later? Chuck’s asleep.”

 “Yeah, no, that’s not happening.”

Chuck scowled. Raleigh. There was no chance of getting any more sleep now. “Let him in, he won’t stop nagging until you do.”

“Much obliged,” Raleigh said dryly. There was a rustling sound. “I brought coffee.”

“Officially reinstated as my best friend,” Chuck said, rolling over and making grabby hands at him.

Raleigh passed him a brown paper bag and a cardboard cup of coffee. He cast a meaningful glance at the girl, still standing in her panties, and Chuck sighed.

He gestured for her to come over, squeezing her ass as he said, “Last night was great, love. Leave me your number and I’ll call you next time I’m in town.”

“Right,” she said, disbelieving.

Fair, because he was lying out of his ass. Still, if she was even pretending she expected more than a one-night-stand from this, she was a bigger liar than he was.

She got dressed and left, and Raleigh sat down on the edge of the bed, eyeing the disaster-struck room disapprovingly. Chuck carefully ignored his judging eyes as he took two Aspirin and downed them with coffee.

“You’re getting classier by the day, aren’t you,” Raleigh said.

“Like you didn’t know this was going to happen as soon as we made it big, mate,” Chuck scoffed.

Raleigh turned quickly, trying to meet his eye. “Speaking of making it big,” he started.

Chuck cut him off with a groaned, “Can’t this wait until I have pants on?”

“You need to write a new song. Or, barring that, show up to practice so we can write it together.” Raleigh shoved his shoulder. “It’s going to be hard to  _stay_  big if we don’t produce any new music.”

Chuck glared at the floor. “I’m working on it.”

“Really? Because I have yet to see any evidence of that.” Raleigh gentled his voice. “I can help, man. Just let me in.”

“Don’t even,” Chuck sneered, going to his suitcase to get a shirt.

Raleigh followed him. “You’re a good songwriter – a fucking  _great_ songwriter, a Grammy-winning songwriter. You can do it again, I know you can.”

“Maybe I don’t feel like writing right now, you ever think of that?” Chuck spun around. “Why can’t I write when I feel like it?”

“Oh, bitch more,” Raleigh said, making a face. “You knew what you were getting into when you signed up for this. That’s part of the music industry. To stay popular, stay relevant. To stay relevant,  _write fucking music_. And if you want to keep sleeping with random, indistinguishable girls and doing drugs until your piss glows in the dark, you need to get on that.”

Chuck set his jaw and tugged on a shirt. “Who the fuck cares what I write, they’re just going to censor it anyway.”

“Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what I  _can_  say. It seems like you’ve chosen the lifestyle you want, and nothing I do or say is going to change a damn thing.” Raleigh said.

Chuck stayed silent.

Raleigh gave a disgusted noise and left the room.

Chuck did show up to practice that day, and he did work on writing a new song. And if he was listing a little, if his eyes were glazed and the scent of liquor trailed after him… Well, no one said anything about it.

 

 **“All Right Now,” Free –** NFL girl!Chuck AU

He sees her across the hotel lobby, sleek and pretty in a matching skirt and blazer, ridiculous heels and perfect hair. She’s talking quick and low into her phone, and Raleigh’s never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

“Hey,” he calls. She doesn’t look up, although half the people in the lobby do. “Hey,” he says again, louder.

She glances over, and he gestures for her to come to him.

“What are you doing?” Newt asks. “Please tell me you’re not doing what I think you are.”

Raleigh ignores him, standing to go meet her halfway.

“Hang on a moment,” she says into her phone when they get close. “Yes?” she asks Raleigh.

“What’s your name?” Raleigh asks.

She looks at him blankly. “Excuse me?”

“What’s your name?” Raleigh repeats, grinning.

“You know, most people pick up women in bars and coffee shops instead of accosting them in hotels when they’re clearly busy,” she says, caught between irritated and confused.

Raleigh shrugs. “I’m not most people. So?”

She stares at him, lips pursed. “I’m going to have to call you back,” she says into the phone. Then she looks up at Raleigh, folds her arms over her chest, and says, “I’m not sure which one of your favorite shitty romantic comedies convinced you that harassing women is the best method of getting their attention, but I suggest you improve your taste in movies – and frankly, lifestyle choices – if you expect to ever find a woman who can tolerate you for any amount of time.”

Newt and Tendo, naturally, start laughing like hyenas.

“Nice meeting you,” she says, and walks away, heels clicking.

“Oh man, that was beautiful,” Newt says, coming up behind Raleigh to punch his arm. He catches sight of the look on Raleigh’s face, which Raleigh guesses is stunned, if it’s anything like he’s feeling. “You okay man?”

“I think I’m in love,” Raleigh says, dazed.

 

That night, Raleigh spots a head of long, tousled brown hair at the hotel bar and immediately breaks off from the pack, telling his team that he’ll catch up with them at dinner. He slides up to the bar next to her and waves down the bartender. “I’ll have what she’s having,” he says, pointing at her.

The bartender slides a tumbler to him, and he sips it and chokes a little.

She’s watching him, smiling. “Not a whiskey boy?” she asks. “What, you were expecting me to be drinking cider or a Long Island?”

“Nah,” he says, grinning. “I’m just accustomed to drinking my liquor warm, being as I’m an inbred backwoods hick who makes moonshine in my barn.”

She laughs, and it’s like – like throwing a winning pass. “How quaint,” she drawls.

“So what’s your name?” Raleigh asks. “We’re at a bar, which I hear is where most people pick up women. You have no excuse to turn me down now.”

She opens her mouth.

“And I know, I shouldn’t feel entitled to anything from you, not your name or your body or your phone number. You’re not obligated to give me anything,” Raleigh gives a guileless shrug. “But I just want to know your name. Surely that’s not so bad?”

She drums her fingers on the counter. “You’re not as charming as you think you are,” she says.

“But I’m still more charming than you’d like to admit,” he shoots back.

She bites her lip, unable to hide her smile. “Chuck,” she says. “I’m Chuck.”

“I’m Raleigh,” he says.

“I know,” Chuck says.

“I figured you would,” he says. “Thought I should tell you anyway.”

She trails her fingernail through the condensation on her glass. “I was rooting for you last year,” she says. “I lost a lot of money when the Ravens won.”

“On the list of things I like to talk about, last year is very, very low down.” Raleigh says.

“Fair enough.” She looks over Raleigh’s shoulder, then digs into her purse and tosses some money on the counter. “I actually have to run. Good luck tomorrow.” She smiles down at him, and before he can speak, she’s gone.

“Yep,” he says quietly, picking up her glass to swallow the dregs. “Definitely in love.”

 

The next day, they’re all piling into the bus outside the hotel when a Porsche pulls up to the curb and Chuck gets out. She’s back in her professional-wear, a pencil skirt and a blouse, and the pair of sunglasses perched on her head keeps her hair from blowing into her eyes in the light wind.

Raleigh has to convince the security guys to let him go to her, but when he gets there, she’s waiting, leaning against the passenger side door. “Hey,” she says.

“Hey,” he says, grinning stupidly. “It’s a little late for you to decide to put out, you know.”

She rolls her eyes. “Please don’t make me regret this,” she says in a pained voice, passing him a scrap of paper with a phone number scrawled on it.

Raleigh pumps his arm in victory.

“Next time you’re in New York…” she says.

He crowds her in against the car and she lets him, turning so he can box her in with his arms. “Next time I’m in New York, I’m gonna make you fall in love with me,” he says, so close he can feel their breath mingling.

“Love?” She raises an eyebrow. “Now you’re trying to trick me into falling in love with you? Ohh, sparky, I don’t think so.”

He silences her with a kiss, and she moves into it, soft and warm, curving into his hands like she’s meant to be there. “Next time.”

Chuck just shakes her head and doesn’t respond. “Good game,” she says, kissing him one last time, before ducking out of his arms and going around to the driver’s side door. She pulls away from the curb, leaving Raleigh staring after her, dumb and lovesick.

Newt comes up behind him. “I hate you,” he mutters.

 

 **“Super Mario,” Byu Vocal Point –**  firefighter/hooker AU

Raleigh got home wanting nothing more than to be alone. Then he saw Chuck’s shoes at the door and his priorities shifted dramatically.

He trudged into the living room, shucking clothing as he went until he was down to his boxers as he came up behind the couch. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey.” Chuck paused the game and tossed the controller to the side, leaving the screen frozen with Mario midway through bouncing on a goomba’s head.

“What’re you doing here?” Raleigh asked.

Chuck met his eyes squarely. “Yancy called, said you needed someone to be waiting at home for you. Said it was a long two days.”

“Is that what Yancy said,” Raleigh said testily. He wondered who was paying for Chuck’s company today. It couldn’t be Yancy; he didn’t even know Chuck was a hooker. Raleigh supposed it would be added to his weekly tab. Grand.

Chuck raised his hands. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Besides, he said he was calling his girl next, telling her the same thing. He didn’t say it was a long two days only for you.”

“I guess that’s true,” Raleigh said, leaning forward so his weight was braced on his elbows on the back of the couch. “God.” He hung his head.

Chuck ran his fingers through Raleigh’s hair. “You wanna eat? Sleep? Fuck?”

“Nah, I want…” Raleigh trailed off. He climbed over the back of the couch, manhandling Chuck until Raleigh was resting against the arm and Chuck was nestled against him, back to his chest. He slung his arm across Chuck’s torso. “I just wanna listen to you play Mario for a while.”

“Ok,” Chuck said, picking up the controller. “Let me know if I can do anything, k?”

“You’re good,” Raleigh said, burying his face in Chuck’s hair.

By hooker standards, Chuck was pretty terrible at maintaining a professional relationship.

Raleigh was so not complaining about that.

 

 **“Girl,” The Beatles** – girl!Chuck teacher/student

Raleigh should shut the door and walk away as soon as he opens his office door and finds Chuck strewn naked across his desk. But what he should do and what he  _will_  do are different matters entirely.

“What the hell are you doing?” he demands in a harsh whisper.

“Relax,” she says, tossing her hair with a winning smile. “The blinds are shut and your secretary is gone for the day. No one else is going to come in.”

“Other people do occasionally come to see me,” he says dryly after locking the door behind him.

Chuck sits up quickly. “Other women?” she asks.

“Other  _students_ ,” he says, drawing closer but remaining just out of her arm’s reach. “Chuck, you can’t just – You’re going to get me fired.”

“If you don’t fuck me right now, you’re going to get dumped,” she says.

Of all the bullshit manipulative ultimatums. “Promise?” he asks.

“Of course not, I’m not dumping you until I get an A in your class,” she says sunnily.

He scowls.

“But I have to say, Aleksis looked  _really_ cute in class today with that plaid shirt. It brought out his eyes, don’t you think?” She taps a finger against her lips.

“I  _should_  leave you,” Raleigh says darkly.

She manages to get an ankle around his thigh and uses it to draw him over until he’s pressed against her, close enough to feel every contour of her body through his suit. It’s insane, how much he wants her – no, it’s pathetic is what it is.

“You’re immature,” he starts as she begins undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“Mmhmm?” Chuck pulls the shirt loose from his belt.

“And manipulative,” he continues.

“Go on?” Her nimble fingers loosen the belt from its buckle.

“And condescending, arrogant, sadistic, and mean,” he says.

“You don’t say,” she says.

“And I worked too hard to get where I am to risk it all on a girl like you,” he finishes.

She wraps her arms around his neck. “And I love you,” she says.

“And you love me,” Raleigh says in an exhale against her collarbone.

“And I always will.” She kisses his nose.

“And you always will.”

“And this isn’t just a schoolgirl crush on a professor who’s off-limits.” She kisses his forehead, his cheekbone, the corner of his mouth.

He doesn’t say anything, just turns his head to catch her lips with his own, deep and claiming.

She’s smiling when they break apart. “And I may tease you, but I will never leave you, not for Aleksis or Tendo or Yancy or anyone else.”

“Not for Raleigh or – wait, when the fuck was Yancy even part of the discussion?” he exclaims, and she starts laughing, head tipped back, hair cascading over the back of the desk like a waterfall.

Raleigh really should leave her one of these days.


	3. Third batch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third batch: post-canon farming fic (with babies!), touch-telepath AU, boarding school AU, Raleigh is Chuck's legal guardian AU.

**“Encore 1 - Speeches / Do You Hear The People Sing?” Les Misérables** – post-canon farming domestic!fic, but with babies!

“What are you doing?”

Chuck looked up. “Reading Hazza a bedtime story like you asked,” he said. “Why?”

“No, no.” Raleigh said. He held up _Goodnight Moon_. “This is a bedtime story. That is child abuse.”

“Les Mis is a classic, suitable for all ages,” Chuck protested.

Raleigh took the book away from Chuck. “He is five years old and you’re going to traumatize him. Bedtime story privileges revoked.”

“He’ll thank me for it someday,” Chuck said over his shoulder as he left the room.

“You’re psychotic!”

“Regardless!”

Raleigh sighed.

**“Homeward Bound,” Simon & Garfunkel** – touch-telepath AU (necessary backstory: Chuck can hear people's thoughts when he touches them, and he's a star college hockey player trying to break into the NHL)

Chuck shouldn’t be making this call, as tired as he is. But it’s late at night and he’s alone in his hotel room, and his fingers are dialing before he thinks about it.

It rings three times and then a voice comes through, rough and low with sleep. “Hey?”

“Shit, babe, sorry I woke you up,” Chuck says.

“It’s okay,” Raleigh says. Chuck can tell by the tone of his voice that he’s smiling. Chuck loves that about him. “How’s the combine?”

Chuck leans back against the wall, closing his eyes and imagining having Raleigh there with him. “It’s good. I don’t think I’m embarrassing myself.”

“Of course you’re not, you’re amazing and you fucking know it.” Raleigh yawns. “First pick at the draft, right?”

“Probably,” Chuck says, not bragging.

Raleigh laughs, mumbling tiredly, “ _Probably_ my ass, everyone knows it’s the Chuck Hansen sweepstakes and whoever gets first pick is gonna snap you up.”

Chuck’s done thinking about this, too stressed from the last few days of showing off his skills to ponder where they will take him. “I miss you,” he says impulsively.

Raleigh’s voice clears. “I miss you too,” he says, surprised.

“I didn’t think I would miss getting to touch you this much, but… I miss hearing you.” Chuck winces. He really needs to stop talking.

Raleigh is probably confused, but he covers it well with a casual, “You can hear me now, can’t you?”

 _No,_ Chuck thinks. “Yeah…” he says.

“It’s not the same,” Raleigh says as if in agreement.

“It’s not,” Chuck says. He wishes he could touch Raleigh, feel the incomparable sensation of all his feelings and thoughts and emotions rushing in, getting buffeted on all sides by love and desire and pure affection. He never thought… For years, he avoided people’s touch for fear of getting exactly what he wants more than anything in the world right now.

But everyone else isn’t Raleigh.

And how the hell is he going to leave it all behind next year, to live out his dreams in the NHL and never see Raleigh again?

“I should let you sleep,” he says. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Alright, talk to you then.” Raleigh says.

Chuck hangs up. He falls asleep with an arm stretched across the bed, reaching for something that isn’t there.

**“Marry Me,” Train** – boarding school AU

“Hey dudes,” Tendo said, dropping down in the seat across the table from Yancy. “What’s going on?”

“Raleigh’s in love,” Hu said with a wicked grin.

“Oh yeah?” Tendo grinned at Raleigh, who rolled his eyes. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Everyone at the table laughed; Tendo wrinkled his brow, confused.

“His name’s Chuck, he’s new,” Raleigh explained. He pointed across the room. “He’s sitting with Hermann and Newt.”

Tendo craned his neck, but he couldn’t spot any unfamiliar faces. “Where?”

“You see lump of hair asleep on table?” Aleksis asked, chuckling.

Now that he was looking for it, Tendo did see a pair of folded arms with a shock of ginger hair on top of them. “So what’s so great about this guy?”

Everyone chimed in simultaneously.

“He chews on his pens,” said Yancy.

“He doodles dragons on margins of paper,” said Aleksis.

“He’s gorgeous, have you seen his smile?” said Cheung.

“He’s got these eyes, it’s like, whoa,” said Hu.

“He has habit of rubbing lower lip with thumb while thinking,” said Sasha.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Raleigh spoke over their laughter, smiling wryly. “We’re gonna get married, you’ll all see.”

Tendo took a bite of apple. “So have you talked to him yet?”

There was a fresh chorus of laughter, and Raleigh looked down, blushing. “We’re gonna get married, I said. I didn’t say it was anytime _soon_.”

“Misters Raleigh and Chuck Becket,” Jin mocked, but it had the opposite effect as intended when Raleigh’s eyes went all dreamy at the words.

“You’re pathetic,” Yancy told his brother.

Raleigh stood up, sniffing haughtily. “Just for that, none of you are invited to the wedding.” He walked away, grinning.

“What?” “No!” “Aw, c’mon!” The boys called after him.

“You know, the sad thing is?” Tendo said, watching Raleigh leave. “He’s totally gonna do it, too.”

Everyone thought about this.

“Damn,” Cheung pouted. “I mean, the new guy is _really_ cute.”

“I think stay away from Mr. Chuck Becket.” Aleksis advised. “ _Very much_ not worth hassle of Raleigh stab you in your sleep.”

“I’m betting they’re together within the month,” Tendo said.

“Everyone knows that,” Jin objected. “The real betting pool should be their wedding date.” He took out a sheet of paper and a pen.

Tendo nodded. “50 bucks each should do it. We’ll collect at dinner tonight.”

“Two days after graduation,” said Aleksis.

“A year after graduation,” said Sasha.

“Two months _before_ graduation,” said Yancy.

“I’ll say six months after graduation,” said Jin.

“Halfway through junior year,” said Hu, grinning.

“And I’ll say… Christmas break, senior year,” said Tendo. He shot Yancy a glare. “No interference from the peanut gallery.”

Yancy raised his hands to display his innocence.

“Alright, gentlemen. Shake on it.” They all shook hands across the table.

“What are you guys doing?” Newt asked as he walked past their group.

Next to him, Chuck had his eyebrows raised curiously.

“Nothing,” they chorused.

“Weirdos,” Newt said, and led Chuck away.

They were still laughing when Raleigh returned.

**“Snap, Crackle, Pop,” Venus d Minor** – Raleigh is Chuck's legal guardian AU

Raleigh yawned and trudged into the kitchen, trying vainly to finger-comb his hair into some semblance of order. He nodded a hello to Chuck and opened the fridge door.

“Someone finished the Rice Krispies,” Chuck said through a mouthful of Rice Krispies.

Raleigh cast him an amused look. “Oh, did someone? Did that same someone leave the empty box on top of the fridge?”

“That someone might have,” Chuck said, grinning unrepentantly.

“You’re such a little shit,” Raleigh said.

“And you’re a terrible influence,” Chuck countered. “Didn’t they tell you not to verbally abuse me when you adopted me?”

Raleigh punched his shoulder. “I didn’t adopt you, shut up.”

“You kind of did,” Chuck said.

“I’m your official guardian, not your father. There’s a difference.”

Chuck pondered this. He twisted around in his chair. “Does that make this any less gross?” he asked, stretching up to kiss Raleigh.

“I like to think so,” Raleigh murmured against his lips before deepening the kiss, long and drawn-out, slick and hungry. He had Chuck shivering against him before he broke away, and was grinning as he left the room.

It wasn’t for another few minutes that Chuck recovered enough to realize Raleigh had stolen his bowl of Rice Krispies on the way out. “You little shit!” he cried out.


	4. Fourth batch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last batch: starving artist AU, Chuck is a single father AU, drug dealer AU, NFL AU.

**“La Vie Boheme B,” Rent -** starving artist AU

“What’s for dinner?”

“Cardboard.”

“Fuck yeah, my favorite.”

Raleigh grinned as Chuck tossed his keys and wallet into the bowl by the door. “The glamorous life of the starving artist,” Raleigh proclaimed.

Chuck flopped down onto the couch, then winced and shifted so the noticeable lump in the cushion wasn’t protruding so awkwardly into his lower back. “I dunno, man, you ask Sasha and she’d be happy to tell you how much she loves stripping for rich jerkoffs.” He affected a high-pitched, saccharine voice. “Other than the eating disorders and the muscle spasms, it’s so fulfilling!” His voice dropped back to his own low register, filled with disgust. “What a life.”

“Yeah, you know, I think Mako actually _likes_ playing the cello in the subway. It’s the food of love, Raleigh, you wouldn’t understand,” he said, mimicking her soft, breathy tones.

“Dude, she can have it. I’d give up my guitar in a heartbeat if it meant eating for a month.” Chuck grabbed his guitar from where it was resting against the coffee table and played the opening riff from 'Sweet Child O’ Mine,' soft and slow.

Raleigh scoffed.

“Yeah, maybe not,” Chuck said, sheepish.

“No judgment here,” Raleigh said, running his hand lovingly over his camera. “I guess I shouldn’t make fun of them, I’m just as bad as they are.”

Chuck widened his eyes mockingly. “What, really? You? Never.”

“Shut up.”

Chuck played another lazy melody, this time from 'Smoke on the Water.' “How long did you spend in the darkroom today?” he asked.

“You don’t want to know.” Raleigh grimaced.

“Nah, probably not.” Chuck set aside his guitar. “Alright, bedroom.”

“Already?”

Chuck tugged Raleigh to his feet with a hand on his collar. “I need something to distract myself from how fucking _hungry_ I am.”

“Fair enough.” Raleigh stretched. “Can I bring my camera?”

Chuck smirked over his shoulder. “Only if you ask really, _really_ nicely.”

 

 **“Hello,” Martin Solveig feat. Dragonette –** Chuck is a single father AU

It’s an ok party. It’s not a great party, but it’s fine, as college parties go. They get old after a while.

Raleigh’s midway through talking Tendo into ditching when Chuck walks in, which is a game-changer, to say the least. Raleigh’s facing away from the door so he doesn’t see it happen, but Tendo does, and he cuts Raleigh off with a smirk and a, “Dude, stop talking and turn around.”

Raleigh, mildly affronted, does. And then he sees Chuck. “Dude,” he says, grabbing the cuff of Tendo’s sleeve and shaking it. “Dude, dude, dude. Chuck’s here, Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tendo says, prying Raleigh’s hand off his sleeve.

Raleigh bounces a little on the balls of his feet. “No, dude, this is _big_. I haven’t seen him outside of class since like, October. Dude, what do I do?”

“Go talk to him,” Tendo suggests.

“But what do I say?” Raleigh worries his lower lip.

Tendo rolls his eyes. “Jesus, you’re such a girl. Here, _go_.” He shoves Raleigh directly into Chuck’s path.

“Hey,” Raleigh says.

“Hey.” Chuck smiles up at him in the way that always makes Raleigh’s knees go a little weak. Then he says, “I’m kind of here for the sole purpose of getting laid, so unless you’re interested…”

Raleigh must have done something very, very good in a past life.

Striving for nonchalance, he says, “Weird, I thought you were straight.”

Chuck gives him a quizzical look.

“I just, I’ve only seen you with girls. And like, I know you and Mako had sex, so…” Oh god. Did that really just come out of his mouth?

“Uh…” Chuck’s face goes shuttered. “I guess?”

Failure. Failure on all counts. Abort, abort. “So anyway, what’s up?” he says, desperate.

Chuck shrugs one shoulder. “My best friend locked me out of my house and said he wouldn’t let me back in until I got laid. Apparently I’m all high-strung and tense, which, whatever.” He cards his hand through his hair.

Raleigh doesn’t think getting laid will do all that much for Chuck’s neurotic tendencies, but he isn’t going to say that.

“And I generally prefer women, but the last girl I slept with… Let’s just say she complicated my life a lot and leave it at that. So I’m kind of leaning towards guys right now.” Chuck looks up at him, all smolder and sex. “Like I said, if you’re interested…”

 _Say something, you idiot_ , Raleigh’s brain tells him. “I could be persuaded,” he croaks out.

“Great,” Chuck says, smiling crookedly. “Just to make it clear, this isn’t like, a serious thing. I just want to fuck, I’m not looking for a relationship.”

“Totally cool,” Raleigh says.

“Great.” Chuck takes his hand and leads him out of the house. As Raleigh stares dumbly at their interlocked fingers, Chuck turns around and says, “But if you’re good enough, I wouldn’t mind making it a regular thing.”

So, apparently dreams do come true.

 

“ **Doctor Robert,” The Beatles –** drug dealer AU

The guy that answers the door has to be about 21, shirtless and sleep-rumpled, blinking out into the sunlight. “H’lo?” he says, scratching at his bare chest.

“Oh, I… Uh, My friend Tendo told me to come here for…” Chuck’s gaze darts around rapidly.

The guy yawns. “Heroin, coke, LSD, ecstasy, pot?”

“Jesus!” Chuck gapes.

The guy smiles. “Dude, relax. No one’s going to hear anything. Look around.”

It’s true that there are no other living souls within a 100-yard radius of them, but Chuck can’t help but be cautious. “Just pot, thanks,” he says stiffly.

“Quarter, nickel, dime?” The guy leans against the doorframe.

“Quarter,” says Chuck lowly.

“Sweet.” The guy vanishes inside for a moment and comes back out with a small Abercrombie and Fitch bag.

Chuck shoots him a flat look.

“What can I say, you look the type,” the guy shrugs. “$25.”

Chuck quickly counts out some bills and the guy takes them, pockets them, and turns to leave.

Chuck tells himself he’s not going to, but at the last second he blurts out, “How much for LSD?”

The guy turns back around. “Something tells me you’re not very experienced with this,” he says slowly.

Chuck flushes, embarrassed.

“Look, I know this isn’t exactly good for my business, but you look like you’re a good kid, and since you’re Tendo’s friend, I’m going to look out for you.” The guy looks down at the bag in Chuck’s hand. “Stick to the soft stuff, kid.”

“And if I don’t want to?” Chuck asks.

“Then come back here and do it with me. Don’t get it anywhere else,” the guy says. “I’m gonna take care of you but not everyone would.”

Chuck scowls. He doesn’t need anyone to look after him, but it sound like arguing with this guy would be more trouble than it’s worth. “Fine, whatever. Got a name?”

“Doctor Robert.”

Chuck blinks. “Like the Beatles song?”

The guy cracks a crooked smile. “You know it? I knew I liked you for a reason.” He reaches out and chucks Chuck’s chin. “Come back soon, y’hear?”

And the sad, sad thing is, Chuck’s probably going to.

 

 **“Echo,” R. Kelly** – NFL AU (necessary backstory: Raleigh is a quarterback and broke his arm halfway through the Super Bowl, Chuck's the running back)

Chuck was blissfully asleep when light fingers skimmed down his belly and made him twitch.

“Mmph,” he said, burying his face in the crook of his elbow.

A tongue trailed down the shell of his ear, followed by gently nibbling teeth.

“Leave me alone,” Chuck groaned. “There is such a thing as too much sex, Becket.”

“Slanderous lies,” Raleigh chuckled, fingers dipping lower until he had them wrapped around Chuck’s dick, which – _amazingly_ , considering their last 18 hours – made a feeble effort to harden.

Chuck rolled onto his back, making a frustrated noise and rolling his hips up into Raleigh’s grip. “You’re insane,” he said. “I made the damn pass, I won the damn Super Bowl, I salvaged your fucking dreams. Don’t I get a reward for that?”

“This is your reward,” Raleigh said, swinging his leg over Chuck’s hips.

Chuck grabbed a pillow and covered his face with it. “Doesn’t feel like one,” he mumbled.

“Your fault for not believing me when I said all-day sex.”

“Bullshit,” Chuck exclaimed, ripping the pillow off his face, “that’s all we did yesterday! That was all day!”

“All day, like 24 hours,” Raleigh smirked. “Just be glad I’ve let you up to shower and eat.”

Chuck groaned, head falling back. “Aren’t the guys worried? Shouldn’t we make sure they haven’t been calling looking for us?”

“I already made our excuses, they don’t expect to see us until noon.” Raleigh said. “And if that’s your only objection…”

“Christ,” Chuck said, rubbing a hand of his face. “Ok, c’mere.” He pressed his hand into Raleigh’s lower back for stability then rolled them over so he was on top.

“Hey,” Raleigh said, frowning.

“You have a broken arm, idiot,” Chuck scolded. “No fucking way you’re on top.” He grabbed the (seriously depleted) tube of lubricant and squeezed some onto his fingers, reaching down to slick it over Raleigh’s cock.

Raleigh raised his eyebrows. “What, no condom?”

“We literally ran out. Silly me, thinking a six-pack would be enough for one fucking day,” Chuck said, bracing himself on his knees above Raleigh. “You don’t have any STDs, right?”

“Nope,” Raleigh said, grinning stupidly. “I can’t believe you’re…”

Chuck shut him up by sinking down onto his cock, not wanting to hear whatever sentimental crap Raleigh’s oversexed and exhausted brain could concoct. “Yeah, yeah.” He rocked down, biting his lip as Raleigh bucked up to meet him.

“But seriously, if you try to get me to fuck one more time today, I’m sleeping in the bathtub.”


End file.
